I wonder what Jesus wants for Christmas this year

They should make a show like Man vs, Food but call it Man vs. The Party.  This guy would go city to city and out party people


I'd feel bad for raping a girl with no legs

I like whores because they are easier to tease

What if Taco Bell had a happy hour...think about how much money they would make...

I wish my bed was a magic carpet

Twenty-five dollars?! This hour isn't happy!

I have more connections than AT&T

How badass would it be if I booked Chuck Norris for my birthday next year?

Dude how cool would it be if we could get my dog a cell phone?


See that's what I was talking about when I said there could be different kinds of rape!! That was the happy kind.

Hey what's up, girl? What's your favorite word?

I wish they had VIP parking at Walmart

She's so beautiful, if I look at her for more than five minutes, I'll start crying.

Even though I hate the smell of Abercrombie and Fitch, I would SO go in there right now and fistpump to David Guetta!


First she was gold, then she was bronze...and how she's super like a power ranger!!
(in reference to our friend Tessie's tan)

AJ: "How much are jello shots?"

Bartender: "A dollar each"

AJ: "Great, I'll take a dozen"

Jack: "Wow...that's like...twelve dollars"

Dude, if I had a pager that would be so baller!

You and me are like Barney the Dinosaur...and that other dinosaur

Imagine you got paid $500 every time you gave someone a blowjob

What if there were different kinds of rape? ...that would be cool

70% of girls have tried anal. Of that 70%, half of them would try it again.  So what I'm saying is...you should try it